Hey….I’ve been thinking about you all day…….well, all week, and we haven’t really had a chance to talk, so I thought I’d write to you. These seven day stretches are a killer for me; I miss you so much. I’ve done a lot of thinking this week about us and about what you mean to me. I can’t express to you how glad I am that you made the decision to stay with me as opposed to going to Colorado with Annette. I know that must have been a difficult decision for you, as you have been so confused for so long. Believe it or not, I do understand your dilemma. We certainly didn’t plan to meet one another, let alone develop the feelings for one another that we share. Those feelings must be a little frightening for you, especially on the heels of your break up with Bridgett. You have given your heart to two people, and both have hurt you deeply; the first cheating on you, and the most recent becoming abusive. It’s no wonder that you are so gun shy and that you didn’t want to give yourself to any one person again. I understand what being hurt feels like. …..After the incident in high school (the one that I shared with you), I was certain that mean were barbaric and preditorial. John helped me through that, and I was sure that he would be there for me always. When I found out that he cheated on me, it was one of the most horrible moments of my life. I have never felt so betrayed or disillusioned. I tried to go on and repair the damage, but my feelings for him were never quite the same after that. If I were to be honest, I’d have to say that I haven’t been in love with anyone since that moment. ……….Until you came into my life eight months ago. I had all but given up on finding anyone to share myself with, let alone falling in love with. I know that I am running a great risk of scaring you off again, by writing these words and sharing this much with you. However, I am a great believer in the truth, Mike. I told you before, one night as we sat on your parents’ sofa talking, that I don’t want to play games with you and that I want to always be honest about the way I feel for you…even when it hurts me. I also believe that you should tell those around you what is in your heart and cherish the people that you love and who love you…….no one is guaranteed any length of time on this earth and we don’t really know how long we will have to express our feelings to one another. So, I’m not going to stop now, not when I have so much to say. When I felt you pulling away from me before, I wasn’t sure what to do. I felt so desperate inside, like I would do anything to have you just not leave me…..but I’ve also learned that no matter how much you love someone or how much you want them in your life….if they don’t return the feeling, there is nothing you can do to change that. So, I let you go, hoping that you would realize what you had in me. It was so exciting to see you again that night at Missy and Joey’s. But, I was so scared at the same time….because you could…and had…hurt me so badly. Knowing you were touching and kissing other girls drove me nuts, and made me physically ill. The memory of it still makes me cringe. That is the reason that I am so insecure lately. I’m so afraid that it’s going to happen again; that you are either going to get afraid, or bored, or thinking that you are missing something bigger and better out there……and I’m going to be left picking up the pieces of my heart once again. I don’t want to do that again. I too fell for you at a rough time in my life, Michael. I was just finishing a divorce, which was heart wrenching because it shattered all the hopes and dreams I had about a little home, with a fenced in yard, filled with love and laughter and children…….the whole nine yards. It was so much more than losing a husband….I lost, as you did, my dreams about the future. It also ripped my heart out to take Austin away from her dad. I vowed never ever to raise my child in anything less than a nuclear family environment. I felt like some horrid witch, ruining her life like that. So, please understand that loving you and giving you my heart is just as scary for me as it is for you…….especially now…..after you bailed on my once already. I feel like I need to be prepared for that at all times, because I never know when it could happen again. But, I love you and if I get hurt, than so be it…because I refuse to cage up my heart and not give this my all because I am afraid. And I don’t want to be afraid to share too much with you for fear that you’ll become disinterested. There is a wonderful possibility that you won’t leave and that we will grow closer as time goes on and eventually become a real family and I could be the happiest woman alive. Please realize that this is no game to me……it is extremely serious business. I not only have my heart to look after, I have Austin’s to protect. I don’t want to be one of those mothers who drag their child from one man to another, looking for Mr. Right. I have very strong intuition, and it tells me that you could be good for both of us. That’s why I am so generous in sharing my time as well as Austin’s with you. You are a solid, decent man who has so much to offer….and Michael, please understand me when I say that I’m not refering to your professional position. It is the person inside whom I’ve gotten to know that has great value, not the zeros on your paycheck. As I watched you with Corinne on our first date, and listened to you talk about your values and ideas about what family is about, I realized that you are one of a rare breed of good men. I knew from the moment I saw you step into that classroom for our fieldtrip that you were a good dad. Then, as we talked about our respective marriages and their falter, I saw the level of commitment that you had at such an early age. The time that we spend together is so special to me. I think you are funny and interesting, and exciting, and sexy, and intelligent, and driven… I could go on, but I’m afraid that by the time you’re finished reading, your head won’t fit through the door anymore. I know this is turning into a novel, so I will try to be brief with my last statements. Michael, you need to know that I respect your relationship with Corinne and I do understand that the two of you want and need to spend quality time alone together. Please don’t take my disappointment last weekend as a sign that I resent that time at all……I could never fault you for that. However, you and I have been doing some pretty serious talking in the past few weeks….and you have made some strong references to the future…which I hope you meant. This is just my opinion, so please, take it for what it’s worth. Let me begin with last Friday night…we were supposed to go to Philly and spend the night up there and sleep in. I know that you wanted to go crabbing with your dad, and believe me, I will be the first to jump at the chance to eat crabs! But, it seems that our plans mean so little to you, because you seem to have no problem blowing me off if anyone else asks you to do something else. I don’t want this to sound like a gripe session, but we really need to iron this out, and I need to understand where you’re coming from Last weekend bothered me for a couple of reasons….the first being that, if we are going to pursue a relationship, I think that it is beneficial for all of us to spend as much time together as possible. I also think that maybe if Corinne expresses the need to spend some alone time with you again, and we have already made plans to be together, maybe you could pull me aside and talk to me about it so I’m not in the dark….or maybe compromise with Corinne, telling her that this time we are going to spend some time with all of us being together, but maybe the next day, you two could do something special with just the two of you. I guess that last day topped things off, when I thought we were going to spend the day together and I waited all day only to be put off and put off again, and finally blown off all together. ………knowing that your seven day stretch was upcoming and we wouldn’t see each other for a while. There’s lots more that I could write….as I am a much better written communicator than verbal……but, I will end things here for right now. I love you and can’t wait to see you.